The Burger Reviewer

'Peter Pane' Review

Magic, Cocktails and Frozen Patties

It was a chilly mid-autumn evening when our heroes sought refuge in a mysterious Neverland-themed restaurant that served cocktails and mediocre burgers. Thus started their grotesque adventure in a land where Millennials refuse to grow up.

The fine suffuse lighting, the funny furnishing details, the peculiar fairy-tale atmosphere - as far as theme restaurants go, it probably doesn’t get better than that. But after reading the confusing list of cocktails, burgers and champagne and receiving their orders, our heroes had a frightening realization: unbeknownst to them, they had been teleported from what they thought was a funny family diner to a twisted pre-club fast-food restaurant with a spectacularly pointless concept and unimpressive burgers. The monthly special with mushrooms, the standard bacon cheeseburger and its pricey dry-aged counterpart - all resembled those McDonald’s seasonals, but slightly more expensive and in no way more interesting. Eating through their kind of enjoyable, yet sadly cardboardy frozen-meat-based burgers, our heroes understood how essential quality and genuineness are as values, and how they should never be replaced by superfluous gimmicks and empty frills.

The epilogue of this story sees our heroes leave Peter Pane with their feet well anchored to the ground. Disheartened and dissatisfied. “Second star to the right, and straight on to the check, please”.

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